MigrationScriptFoundFaultyNick228's Profile

From 'Men and Matters' in the Financial Times:

An Englishman visiting Jerusalem for the first time wished to see the Wailing Wall.  Calling a taxi, he said, "Drive me to the place where people stand and weep."  The cabbie put him down at the local tax inspector's office.  A Tel Aviv reader who saw my story about the Wailing Wall and the tax inspector's office tells me his favorite Wall Story is about the Jew knocking his head against it and proclaiming: "I want to be with my people – I want to be with my people."  Asked by a passing American tourist where his people were, he replied "In Miami Beach."  Sign in the window of a closed-down bookshop in New York: "Words failed us."  A reader, tiring of the constant demands from her 16-year-old daughter for lifts in the family car, admonished her by asking: "What do you think God gave us two legs for?"  The daughter replied: "The brake and the accelerator."

Bumper sticker on a car heading into  Manhattan, "I owe, I owe, so off to work I  go."  One of the questions in a general knowledge test at a Sussex school  was: "Complete the saying, 'Marry in haste and…'" – "Repeat at leisure," wrote one 15-year-old girl.  A management consultant died and went to Heaven.  At the gate, he protested to St Peter: "There must be some mistake, I'm only 52, I shouldn't really be here yet."  St Peter consulted his big book.  "According to the time you've charged your clients," he said, "you’re 87."  From New York comes the story of the reporter who was interviewing a man who had been voted life insurance salesman of the year and asked him the secret of his success.  "Nothing to it," the man said.  "Any time I'm talking to a guy who can't make up his mind I tell him he doesn't have to decide right away.  "Sleep on it," I say, "Let me know tomorrow – if you wake up."

About the US Army in the UK in WW2: "Overpaid, Oversexed, and Over Here!"  Tommy Trinder (1909-1989)  The G.I.s' retort about the British: "Underpaid, Undersexed, and Under Eisenhower!"  Touché!