Super∙Twit ‼'s Profile

A young man took his dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 66).   They decided to grab a bite at the food court.   The young man noticed his father watching a teenager sitting next to him.  The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors – green, red, orange, and blue.   The older man tried but just couldn’t seem to take his eyes off the teenager.  The teenager noticed the old man staring.  When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked: "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"  Knowing his dad, the young man quickly swallowed his food so that he wouldn't choke on his response;  he knew his dad would have a good one!  In classic style the old man responded without batting an eyelid: "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock.  I was just wondering if you were my son."

The boy then went to his sister and asked: "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"  The girl replied: "Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt, I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?"  The boy then went to his brother and asked: "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"  "Of course" the brother replied.  "Do you know what a million bucks would buy?"  The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.  His father asked him: "Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"  The boy replied: "Yes, ‘potentially' you and I are sitting on three million dollars.  But 'realistically' we're just living with two hookers and a queer."

A young boy went up to his father and asked him: "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"  The father thought for a moment, then answered: "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.  Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.  Come back and tell me what you learn from that."  So the boy went to his mother and asked: "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"  The mother replied: "Of course I would!  We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!"

[a gun goes off at the football game]
Hotlips: Oh my God!  They've shot him.  
Col. Blake: Hot Lips, you incredible nincompoop.  It's the end of the quarter.  

M*A*S*H the Movie 1970.